Bad day today

Let's just say today was a really bad day. I felt like BREAKING SOMETHING AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Can start now

Well I ovulated, and now am waiting for my period.
Did we try this cycle.
Of course we tried this cycle.
The doctor said wait till I gett my period before trying.
I didn't wait.
I took a pregnancy test, it said negative.
I think I have spotting, like all the way up in there.
I knew that ovulation was coming when I saw the egg white fluid, thank you God.
And tested and finally got positive on the ovulation test.
I'm back in business.
So yeah we tried.
I thought I would be happy either way, if I get my period, or if we get pregnant.
But honestly seeing that "not pregnant" sign on the pregnancy test gave me a low feeling.
I was upset about it.
So my period is due with in the next 2 days.
I'm still taking my temp.
If it doesn't come by thursday I will test again.
I feel stupid for waisting one test away, when I was "only" on cycle day 9.

But the good news is that my body is back in business!!!!

Hopefully PROGRESS SOON

Babies

My cousin had her baby, my sister n law is 5 months pregnant.
I am happy for them.
But sad for me.
There's a knot in the back of my throat, and I can't breathe sometimes thinking about it.
Where's my pregnancy.
I want to be pregnant with a healthy baby, deliver a healthy baby.
How can I be happy for them, and sad for me at the same time.
I am blessed to have my big boy.
I truly truly am blessed.
But we do want a BIG family.
I want at least 4 kids.
I'm an only child, and I don't want my child to grow up lonely like I did.

Please Lord bless us with a big family.

I'm not one of them :(

I wish I would soon be finding out what I'm going to have, what my baby would be, boy or girl? So many other women I know are.
It brought tears to my eyes reading a blog post about it, finding out this weekend what my sister-n-law is going to have.
Knowing I'm not one yet.
I will just appreciate what I got
I so want to cry, I think I will

I can breathe again

I can breathe again.
That pain I once had is OVER
I can accept that other women are pregnant and that I am not
Yeah I'm still a little disappointed, but this is not a game, and I know my day will COME!!!

Power of prayer

Everything we pray for we get.
God is a GREAT GREAT God.
He works all miracles.
I know we will deliver a healthy baby soon.
I can feel it.

And so it stops...

The bleeding finally stopped today. I do feel some cramping though so we will see.